Afterlife
by latine
Summary: James,' she said dreamily, her eyes still focused. 'Have you, you know, ever thought about .. death' It only took one question from Lily. [Oneshot]


_Prompt 004 Belief_

James clutched the Library's silvery door handle and as silently as possible he opened the door. The first thing he recognised in it (besides the hundreds of thousands of books) were a group of Hufflepuffs, furiously whispering at one of the tables in the centre, and one Madam Pince secretly spying on them, ready to start hissing at the very first sign of misbehavior. But James spotted what he was looking for almost immediately: a red-orange spot.

He headed to the table where Lily was sitting. She wasn't doing anything – not reading; obviously not doing her homework because her schoolbag was on the floor, closed; just merely sitting there in the comfortable silence.

"Strange to see you here of all places," said James, smiling and taking his bag from his shoulder. He pulled out a chair and sat beside Lily.

"I was just thinking," Lily said simply.

"Mhmm." He raised his eyebrow. "I don't think you ever stop thinking, Lily. You always have something on your mind."

She didn't answer, but stared at the ceiling. It was one of Lily's favourite places at Hogwarts, the Library's ceiling. It was full of paintings – drawings of things that had happened in the past, like goblins and centaurs fighting against each other over a thousand years before; special and exotic potions, rarely seen in the wizarding world; the most impressive transfigurations one could ever dream of. Lily had always stared at it in awe.

"James," she said dreamily, her eyes still focused. "Have you, you know, ever thought about .. death?"

This caught James off guard. He hadn't expected this question, but after all, when hadn't Lily surprised him before?

"Of course I have," he replied, looking at her. _God, she was beautiful._

Lily nodded, not taking her eyes off the ceiling.

"Are you scared of it?" she asked gently, .

"No," he answered way too quickly, but Lily, whose eyes finally stopped gazing at the paintings, were now looking at him. She stared at him politely, respectfully, gently. _She was serious, wasn't she? _He thought about it for a moment, and finally replied, "No, I don't think I am. But I'm not sure; of course, maybe I'm just lying about it and maybe I'm terrified of it. But I guess I don't know… and won't know until I'm in a death situation, don't you think? Maybe I'm just babbling because I never got near dying, and thankfully not many people around me died, so reckon I can't say much." He took his hand to his chaotic hair. "Are you?"

But Lily had once again drifted away to another planet, or who knows where. James hadn't expected an answer, though. Lily didn't like talking much about herself and somehow, James didn't mind that. He didn't mind about anything when it came to Lily.

They sat in silence for minutes. James thought that it would be better to finish his Charms essay he had been working on a couple of hours earlier. He bent down and took some parchment, a quill and some black ink from his bag.

_The move a wizard or witch has to do in order to perform the Aclomania spell is rotate his or her wand left, right, and left again, whilst saying the spell's incantation out loud. _

Lily surprised him again halfway through his essay. She had been watching him while he wrote his homework, her head sustained by her left hand. She looked neutral. "What do you think happens after death, James?"

She used the same soothing voice she had before.

He wasn't unprepared for this one. At least she was still talking of the same topic, which made it easier for him to keep track, but that didn't stop him from thinking that these questions were a tad strange, even for Lily.

"I.. I don't know, actually." He scratched his head and sighed. "No one had ever asked me before and I honestly hadn't thought of it on my own before, though now that you mention it, it's quite stupid. The fact that I never thought about it, not your question." He assured her, grinning.

Lily smiled her smile.

"I guess that, well, that, I don't know. No, hold on, I do know, just let me think about this.

I know for sure that I don't believe people who say there is an afterlife. That sounds so… unreal. Is this life just a first step to prepare ourselves for the next one? This life is already too complicated, too full of things just to be the first step. There are so many things here, right now, that makes me think that this afterlife thing is less and less true as time goes by.

"You just got me thinking.. what if, you know, after you die, you wake up and find that it all had been just a dream? But not any kind of dream, either. Your entire life was only a dream, but you wake up and find out that that dream wasn't just a dream, but some kind of -- what do muggles call it? -- premonition of what would really happen? That you know exactly what'll happen next because you've already been there once, have already dreamt it? Then you would live your life again, but this time, you have a chance to fix your mistakes, or change whatever you want, you know?"

She blinked, kept staring at him and then nodded. "Wow. I've never heard something like that before." She looked impressed. He smiled, but couldn't go back to what he had been writing before; he was too absorbed in the conversation (and besides, Lily couldn't seem to take her eyes off of him, something he didn't mind at all.)

"What would you change?" she asked.

He looked down at his own parchment and sighed. Why did she have to ask these kinds of questions?

He licked his lips as a sign of concentration and started thinking. What was it exactly that he would change?_ Well, for one thing, winning Lily over earlier than in this life. _For some reason, he decided he didn't want Lily to know that.

"Maybe spend more time with my mom before she died, or avoid getting caught by professors with our pranks." He grinned, and continued, "But if you're asking me if there is anything really important I regret doing, then sorry to disappoint you, Lils, but no."

Lily grinned with James and said, "What's your excuse, Mr. Potter?"

"Well, for once, I'm positive I have lived this life at its fullest – except for my mom thing, -- and even though I've had some rough times, they're part of your life. What would life be if we didn't suffer, if we didn't feel any kind of pain or misery?"

Lily blinked a few times. "Interesting answer."

_Three years later, in Godric's Hollow, everything James could think of was getting Lily and Harry safe, away from Voldemort._

"_Lily, go! Grab Harry and run!" he screamed, preparing himself for what was coming next. He didn't stand a chance, and he knew it. He heard Lily's steps as she ran up the stairs, heading to their room where Harry's crib was. He turned around one last time before Voldemort bashed the door and whispered, "See you at Hogwarts, Lily."_

_And he turned to face the front door and fight against his destiny._


End file.
